What a day that will be

3 years ago today, I lost my hero, my inspiration, and my best friend. Lora Jean Bunner passed away on April 17th 2008. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Sitting by her bed, holding her hand, and shedding lots of tears. More than anything I remember everyone cramming into her room, mere hours before she passed, and singing. We didn’t sound very good, especially through tears, but we sang out nonetheless. We sang old hymns, and hymns we thought would comfort her. We sang as best as we could, all the while joking that she was probably wishing she would just die so she wouldn’t have to hear us sing anymore. That’s the way our family handled things most of  the time, we’d laugh and joke a lot. It kept us sane.

Eventually, the singing faded, as her breathing become more ragged. I left the room after telling her I loved her, and decided to sit outside for a while. I never came back in while she was still alive. There is a lot I regret about the time surrounding her death. I put my friends, and my own selfish desires above what was right, which was staying with my family. I will forever regret that. I wish I had been there, and I wish I could remember the last time we talked, and she responded, but I can’t. Luckily God blessed me with a time, the last few days of her life I would sit by her bed, and knit, and hold her hand. A few times, she would squeeze my hand, and I knew she realized I was there. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

My Mama, was so much to me. She was my best friend, the one I would tell everything. I could call her if I needed something, or just wanted to talk. I’d spend weeks of time in Ravenswood with her. We’d buy crafts and make them constantly. We have probably done just about every craft known to man. I remember one time, I thought that she knit, and so I have my best friend Charis teach me how to knit so I could impress her and show her what I could do. It turns out, she actually crocheted, so instead of us knitting together, she taught me how to crochet, which was just as nice. Whenever I was with her we would have so much fun. We’d rent movies, and play games. She always wanted me to have something to do. I’d sleep in her bed with her, and we’d talk before we went to sleep. We’d go shopping and she’d always buy me at least one thing. But that’s the thing, I loved her for more than what she did for me, I loved her for who she was. I loved who I was when I was with her. I loved every moment I spent with her.

As I sit here with tears rolling down my face. I just know, that I will never forget her. It’s hard trying to realize she’s really gone. She will never see me graduate high school, or even get married. I wish she was here, to meet Matt, and to see how I’ve changed. I wish she could know how life just isn’t the same without her. I wish she knew how much I really loved her, and how much I miss her. Whether it’s been 3 years, or 30 years, I will always miss her and be thinking of her.

Mama, I love you, and I miss you. I wish God hadn’t needed you in heaven so badly, because I could really use you here. But I understand. I wish you were here to hug me and tell me you love me.

The song that always makes happy, but cry when I hear it. This song was sang a lot during her final days.

There is coming a day,
When no heart aches shall come,
No more clouds in the sky,
No more tears to dim the eye,
All is peace forever more,
On that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There’ll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain,
No more parting over there;
And forever I will be,
With the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be

I love you Mama.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s