Strong Enough

For those of you who know me well, you have a small idea of what my life has been like recently, but some of you don’t. It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake, I can’t sleep, and I’m beyond restless. A few days ago my mom told me about this song she had heard them talking about on the radio. It was written about a girl who had just started college and had a life altering accident which resulted in 13 surgeries in 3 years on her leg. The song is entitled strong enough, and I was laying here thinking about the song, and I decided to listen to it, here are the lyrics.

You must
You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I’m not strong enough to be
everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not stong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I’m finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that’s when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not stong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not stong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

As I listened to these words, the tears began to stream down my face. I’m not asking for a pity party, or sympathy, right now I just want to share my story.

The summer of 2010 my life shifted incredibly and I experienced the hardest summer of my life. My parents separated at the beginning of the summer and I spent the rest of the summer living with my grandfather in Ravenswood. I struggled a lot that summer, trying to be tough, trying to be strong. But many nights I cried myself to sleep knowing I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t the person I should have been through it all. I turned my back on God almost completely. I put forth a front, and wouldn’t let people past it. I was bitter, angry, mad, and hurt. I didn’t understand why would this happen to me. I’m just another statistic now, and God doesn’t care anymore. I feared the way people would view me, and I was afraid to share. I wanted to go home. I wanted life to be normal again. I hated what was going on, and I wasn’t going to let God help me. He couldn’t in my mind.

I ended up surviving the summer some how, and I came home a week before my mom and my sister and I began working. I worked almost 40 hours my first week of work, and it barely slowed down after that. Life got crazy, and I used it as an excuse and an escape from life. I worked, I slept, and I talked to Matt. Almost everything else meant nothing to me. This was my life until February.

On super bowl sunday, I had an accident and ended up tearing my ACL in half. I also tore my MCL and my meniscus was damaged. I cried a lot that night, and it wasn’t just from the pain. I was scared, and even more bitter. I didn’t understand why this had to happen. I spent a week on crutches, and then 2 months with a limp and constant stares. I went through physical therapy, and decided to have surgery. I was terrified, and didn’t know what was going to happen. ACL surgery is one of the longest and most brutal surgeries to recover from physically.

Here I am 2 weeks after surgery, still on crutches and trying to survive. I have struggled with pitying myself. Feeling sorry for myself and like I’ll never make it. But I know that I am blessed. I will make it past this, it’s only for a time being but I have a God that is STRONG ENOUGH!!!!!  I’ll admit I’m not strong enough for this. I cry a lot, I know I can’t do this on my own. But like the song says, My God is strong enough. He’s given me this, not for me to collapse, and become bitter. But he’s teaching me to give it to him because he is strong enough.  I don’t feel deserving, I’m still struggling, I’m not asking for sympathy. I just wanted, more so needed to share my story.

To those of you out there right now who are struggling, maybe you just lost a family member, your family feels like its falling apart, or you just can’t go on anymore, remember that God is strong enough. It took me almost a year to realize this, but I know now he is strong enough. There might be more thrown at me, but I know that God will hold me up. I feel at peace and I feel as though I can rest now, and that’s a very good feeling.

Thank you God, for being strong enough to hold me. I know I don’t deserve it. I know I’m a sinner. Thank you for dying for me. 

One thought on “Strong Enough

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s