Update | Moving

Soooo, we’re doing this little thing called moving. Did I really just say that? We are MOVING! Is this real life?

When Husband and I were just babies dabbling in love, we talked about this city we both loved that had been small parts of our lives. He loved the amusement park, the concerts, and the sports. I had family there, the city was beautiful and the opportunities seemed endless. We would dream of moving there and making it our home, but our puppy love minds never thought it would be a reality. After we said “I do” we started considering the fact that we could just make a decision to move there someday if we so desired, even then we doubted it would happen.

As graduation approached and the job hunt began, we decided to pursue it as an option. The months passed and we felt like this move was just never going to happen. However, in the span of a few short weeks everything changed. The job offer was given, the apartment found, and the details fell in place. We move in less than a month!!

Cincinnati – Here We Come!

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More details to come soon, but we are going to be in a great area. 10 minutes from Kroger, Target (!!), a nice mall & most importantly Husband’s job. Also, a nearby Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, & more! Can you tell what I’m excited about? The area is beautiful and quiet, and not too far from Downtown. We are thrilled to start the next chapter of our life in a new state with so many new adventures. More to come soon!

Thoughts // Fifty Shades of Grace

The hearts of women everywhere are being captured by a story of lust disguised as twisted love, and we are sitting here, with our judgmental glances towards the type of people who read those types of books or see those types of movies. We think how disturbing, how sick, how awful. Maybe you found out your state is the state said to be most deceived by the lies of intimacy being pushed on every commercial break, every YouTube ad, and in every store, and your heart broke a little bit.

But last week we secretly wished for the guy in that “christian romance novel”. You know the ones, the men who lead their wives, who love them, who cherish them, who pick up their underwear off of the bathroom floor, the ones who do all of the things we wish our guys would do. We sat there, and we read it in the name of “inspirational fiction” so it must be okay, because it talked about God in there somewhere, even if we can’t remember the truth it whispered. But we sat in our pajamas at 3pm, with messes piled high, book in hand and we dreamt of that perfect life and perfect man and wished it was ours, and before we knew it we were sinning too as we sat in our self-righteous chair peering over our not-so-holy book at those with the erotica dressed up as a love story in their hands and in their thoughts, both of us thinking the same thoughts about the men who were not our mates.

But maybe some of you were caught with that book in your hand. That curious mind and wandering searching heart, searched right into the middle of a broken love story, and before you knew it your thoughts were being filled with the confusion of love and lust and true intimacy. Maybe you were younger and hid under covers reading this strange story, and only told your closest friends because heaven forbid anyone find out that you needed grace poured. I was.

We are longing for intimacy in a world of sex perversion. We search for this definition of intimacy where the church has failed us, because that subject is just too touchy. You can’t say sex or talk about intimacy from the pulpit, and kids are only taught sex is bad and that healthy view of intimacy is nowhere to be found. So instead we leave these young people to discover their own definition in a culture where sex is everywhere, but it never looks like it should. So we pick up books where vampires fall in love with humans and scarred powerful men dominate over women because at least its something that talks about sex and intimacy because no one else will, and before we know it this mommy-porn love story has exploded and sold over 100 million copies at an alarmingly rapid rate.

This weekend, a movie will be released and young girls will drag boyfriends, and housewives will band together, and women of all ages and religions will watch a story unfold on the screen and they will think that this domination and control is exciting and something new to try, but even the stars of the movie were scarred by its contents.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that some of us need to stop thinking so much about 50 Shades of Grey, and instead think of the 50 Shades of Grace that have been poured over us all daily. The grace that covers the lies, the lust, the covetousness, the shame. The grace that covers each of your crazy shades even when you feel too broken to understand, thanks to a gruesome death and blood poured out. Maybe we need to focus on a grace that can cover the hearts of every person that will sit in a movie theater with this weekend, or the moms with the Christian romance novel on their bedside table. Maybe we all just need a little more grace.

**Note: I realize these thoughts are scattered, and there is SO SO much more to it than this. Please, do more reading of your own on this subject. This is just a few of my jumbled thoughts as I work through my feelings regarding this phenomena. Please remember, you are loved, and you are covered in grace by a Father who wishes for so much more for you than these lies of intimacy.**

Our Love Story // Part Two

I figured I could continue our love story, mostly for my sake of writing it all down, but also just to share it with others. I think it’s pretty special even if you don’t, haha. You can read part one here! Enjoy.

Another picture from our first date

Another picture from our first date! 

Finally my phone rang! He was out of baseball practice and it was time to head over to the ice cream shop. My mom and his dad stayed inside while we (along with our built in chaperone, my sister) headed outside. We attempted to talk, but it was terrifying. Our parents eventually finished talking, or maybe the shop just closed and so we said goodbye and headed home. But plans had been made that he would join my family for a birthday lunch the day after my 15th birthday.

I went shopping for a special outfit and made all the plans. We were meeting my dad downtown at Chili’s, one of my favorite restaurants then. The day finally came and it was very rainy, pouring the rain all day actually. Matthew came and met my dad (in full uniform and all) and was a total gentleman. He bought me a Bath and Body Works set of my favorite scent and a sweet card. Everything went wonderfully! All until we decided to walk over to the mall.

As we were walking in the doors, Matthew decided to open the door for me by hitting the handicap button. I was already nearly to the door, so the door swung open and hit me in the face. I was fine, but it was definitely not a great starting out impression, especially to my parents. But the rest of the day went well and we knew there would be more get-togethers in the future for sure. Until then, we would make phone calls, send emails, and AIM.

I’m not 100% sure when we saw each other next, but I think it was on Mother’s Day a few weeks later. I had been on a camping trip that we left early from and got home late Saturday night, and he had gone to Kings Island with his school. Mother’s day was a tough day for him because it was his first Mother’s Day without his Mom who had passed away in May the year before. He invited me to go with his aunt to the mall for the day. After begging for permission from mom and asking forgiveness for abandoning her on her day, plans were made and they were there to pick me up! Matthew had gotten me a teddy bear at Kings Island that was identical to my current older favorite teddy bear! It took forever for me to tell him I had one that was basically the same. I learned to love them both though!

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Following our memorial day date, we went to books-a-million for a bit. Doesn’t everyone take pictures there? 🙂 

Later that month I got the chance to meet the rest of his family. Most people would think that meeting aunts and uncles and grandparents and other extended family is more for later on in the relationship, but his family all lived very close to each other so it was time! I joined them for their Memorial Day Weekend cookout. I fell in love with his family from the beginning and not much has changed since! They are a loving family that truly cares about you and I am so glad they are officially my family now too!

Being Sure

A, the little girl I babysit is very nosy. Not exactly in a bad way but she just asks LOTS of questions about my life. constantly.

Over the past few months of watching her she has found a few things out about me. 1) I want a lot of kids, 5 or 6 to be exact. 2) I want to adopt a little girl from China. 3) I want to be a “home mom” as she calls it. Because she knows these things she constantly asks me questions about them. “Are you SURE you want to have lots of kids? Do you really like kids? Why do you want to stay home at home? Are you sure you want a little girl from China? What if people make fun of you for looking different? What if your children believe differently than you?” This girl is a smart one and she makes me think constantly. To be honest, I wasn’t able to answer a lot of these questions, at least not in a way a 6 year old will really understand.

Sometimes I question myself…do I really want to be a mom cleaning up messes, never getting sleep, and basically ceasing to exist as an individual? Do I want to make my family my whole purpose? Am I willing to go through the expense and stress of adopting a child from a foreign country? Am I willing to love my children to Jesus, teaching them and training them and showing them the wonderful Father we have?

At one point in my life I didn’t really want anything to do with a life filled with these things. I wanted a career and hoped I would have someone to clean the house and raise my children for me. Slowly my heart changed, and my desire switched from having a career to having a family and I realized what was truly most important to me. The money I would make was far less important than raising a family and pointing them towards Christ.

The answers to A’s questions along with mine are summed up in knowing that my surety is in Christ. He placed this desire in my life, and though sometimes I may question it, He is in control. I can’t answer any of these questions without saying I am sure/willing to do this because of Christ.  He calls us all on different paths and the important thing is that we remain sure in Christ and His will for our lives.

I am so glad  I can say that I am not sure of my own abilities, strengths, power, or plan; but instead I am sure of the Almighty’s abilities, strengths, powers, and plans that He places in my life.

PS – No, we aren’t planning on having a baby soon. God’s plan for our life right now is to finishing school, and preparing for the future. Although, if He were to choose to change that plan we would trust in His wisdom. This post is more in regards to the future than the here and now. 

Five

5 years ago tonight Matthew (basically a stranger to me then) told me he was falling for me.

The month that followed was filled with fear, curiosity, constant communication, and lots of prayer. I would go off to CLCS baseball games just to catch a glimpse of him and maybe say hi after the game, but we were typically too scared for that. We emailed, texted, and AIMed to stay in touch. I specifically remember that we would email each morning and ask each other different random questions like favorite food, color, and music. The month ended with us finally deciding to tell our parents. Due to my past experiences, I determined that if I was serious about this guy that my parents absolutely had to be involved. So after much anxiety we finally told our parents that we were interested in someone. A date was set to meet for ice cream at Huskey’s mainly so our families could meet. I was terrified to say the least, and we were supposed to meet after his baseball practice, which I’m pretty sure went about an hour over that night…I didn’t think I would EVER get his phone call…

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Our first profile pic together from our night getting ice cream. Edited with picnik back then of course! 

I am planning on writing out a good bit of our “love story” here. Do I care if you guys like it? Eh. Not really. I’m honestly doing it for me. I have tidbits written down here and there but I really want to have it all written down for my sake, plus I like thinking over these memories. I will write more later, I’m going to go finish our dating anniversary evening with milkshakes and a movie!